7 SECRETS OF RAISING GIRLS EVERY PARENT MUST KNOW by Judy Reith

Author:Judy Reith
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Summersdale Publisher
Published: 2015-01-21T00:00:00+00:00

Let’s talk about sex

“My daughter came home from school one day and announced, ‘I now know where babies come from. They come from mummy’s penis.’ ”

Phil, father of Edie who was seven at the time

As your daughter’s sexuality develops, how do we communicate with her about sex, sexuality and staying safe? The alarming rise in the millions of children watching online porn means that our daughters’ generation have had to cope with the expectation to look and act like a stick thin, pubic hair-free porn star.

“I admire my friend’s mum. She talks openly about sex and what her daughter can and can’t do when she is in a relationship. This is really important because girls often become ‘blinded with love,’ despite her boyfriend treating her badly. Knowing how and where to set the boundaries is key. ”

Kara, aged 15

As well as contraception choices, you and your daughter need to know about sexually transmitted infections (STIs), or venereal diseases (VDs) as they were called in my day.

I can’t recall sex education classes at school including information about making good relationships; they were just about the biology of sex. It is on offer now in the UK through the sex and relationships part of the curriculum (usually delivered in PSHE lessons), but as with technology safety, don’t leave it to your daughter’s school or to playground rumours, TV sitcoms or YouTube clips to educate your daughter on sexual health or the ingredients of a loving relationship.

“I know my parents worry about me staying out and the consequences of some actions, for example pregnancies and violent relationships. ”

Shania, aged 17

Our job is to help our daughter value herself and her body, so she doesn’t lose her virginity, drunk in a park to the first bloke who pays her some attention.

Our job is to help her think carefully about peer pressure. Boys and girls may say they have lost their virginity or are ‘shagging non-stop’. We can support her to wait until she feels ready for sex. We can tell her we believe that sex is not something to be taken lightly and that it is best between couples who have a love and respect for each other that has grown over time.

Our job is to appreciate that it can be hard to say ‘no’ or ‘not yet’ and to admire our daughter for any signs that she is resisting following the crowd.

Pregnancy

The day you find that your daughter is pregnant will be somewhere on a scale from wonderful at one end, disaster at the other. I remember talking to a lady who fell pregnant accidentally when she was just 17 and still at school. She was terrified of telling her mum, convinced this would provoke anger, tears and an appointment at an abortion clinic. She finally plucked up the courage to say those two words, ‘I’m pregnant.’ To her astonishment, her mum looked at her, smiled and opened her arms up to give her a hug. Instead of being angry, her mum said she understood how hard that had been for her daughter to tell her this news.

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